I've been in this fight since may of 2025. I always seem to wind up at the same place. The victims are silenced by all. If you are a victim of church abuse listen very carefully to what I'm about to tell you. There is an expiration date on your ability to expose what happened to you. I thought this was something that could be overcome but at this stage of the game all of the victims that I have talked to reached the same conclusion. Silence makes everybody happy. Silence makes everyone feel that a resolution has taken place to the abuse that you have suffered.

This will be the loneliest place you will walk through in the Church. There are no scriptures that can justify you telling your story to as many people as you possibly can. There are no scriptures that can justify you sharing your experience with the hopes that the entire world will here and learn how you were abused. I used to think shining a light on the darkness would stop the darkness from spreading. I no longer believe this. Darkness spreads because the victims are forever silenced. The victims are never put into place where they are allowed to share without being judged, falsely accused, and ridiculed for not “letting their pain go”. It is what it is. At this time, I have no answer.

Whatever you as a victim say or do is not going to make those around you feel good. If you talk about and expose the abuse you will receive a small window of acceptance. After a while those that are around about you grow tired of hearing your story. In some way you telling your story causes them to not be able to enjoy their life. There is a common practice that is taught within the church concerning forgiveness. This practice involves the victim forgiving the perpetrator. This practice involves the victim experiencing freedom because they have given up their rights to tell their story repeatedly to anyone who will listen. It is deemed unhealthy by all in the church whether they are on the side of the victim or the side of the perpetrator to have an extended period of time where the victim tells their story.

There has to be some sort of closure for all. That closure comes at the expense of the victim being silenced. There is a time limit where everyone involved will feel it is necessary to shut the victim up. This is known for various reasons but the best and most deceptive of those reasons involves the victim feeling better about themselves. This is a load of crap that I will forever have a hard time dealing with. As a victim myself I will never understand this philosophy that has come to be in the church today. There is a mindset that says let God judge the perpetrator. There is a mindset that says the perpetrator is being judged already because of what they have done to the victim. There is a mindset that says this is what's best for the victim. Total and complete silence. Once you reach the expiration point do not expect sympathy, compassion, or any form of comfort. All of these things will be removed for your good. They will be removed so that you can mature and be the bigger person, and “let it go”.

There is a level of shame that comes with being a victim. There is a harsh reality that you will never be the same person again. There are scriptures I'm sure that tell us to protect the innocent. I am sure there are scriptures that tell us to demand justice for those who have been wronged. This part of the Bible is not allowed to be enacted in the church today because it causes the perpetrators of evil to not have an opportunity for God's grace to set them free. This is what victims are told.  The victim is responsible by their attitude and their ability to remain silent in the midst of what the perpetrator has done. This ability from the victim is what everyone seeks in this triangle of trauma.  This triangle consists of the victim, the perpetrator, and the observers. The observers are the ones who have all the power in this scenario. The victims rise and fall by the dictates of the observers.

I wish that I could say things were different. They are not. Having walked through this experience myself I can say wholeheartedly that I am tired of the whole triangle. It sickens me and it disgusts me. I do not see a real opportunity for healing anyone who has been victimized. Everything at this point is just words that we say in the air. It's similar to what we tell people who are grieving the loss of a loved one. In the beginning stages of that loss everyone feels compassion but over time that compassion slowly fades away in the thought process and mindset is just get over it. The only hope I have in this hour is that everyone will at some point on become a victim and they will know exactly how it feels to have people come in and tell them you have no right to feel the way that you do. You have no right to expose the perpetrator. You have no right to warn anyone else about what happens. It is what it is!